Why time with God doesn't always feel good
An invitation to bring the worst of us into our quiet time
What are your expectations for your time with God? What do you think it should feel like?
I often want it to be a time full of deep insights and warm, fuzzy spiritual feelings. Basically, I want it to feel good and full of life and light.
But the truth is, most days I crash into my quiet time after a hectic morning of trying to get the kids out the door for school–which generally involves some nagging, sibling fights, forgotten items, and complaints about clothes that just don’t “feel right.”
I drop the kids off, try to decompress on the drive home, and sit down in my chair with my coffee, bible, and journal. I then try to let go of all that was stirred up in me during the last hour so I can have a “nice quiet time” with Jesus.
This is a time of day that I don’t always feel like my best self. I might feel frustrated with the kids, or more often with myself for how I responded–the impatience that leaked out as I rushed them along, or losing my cool when that one last little thing pushes me over the edge.
And then I’m supposed to slow down, be still, and connect with the deepest parts of my soul in God’s presence?
It feels like a jarring transition most of the time.
But what if this state of being frazzled, messy, and not put together is actually the ideal place of entrance into the presence of God?
What if my messiest self is the exact part of me that most needs the healing presence of God?
Sometimes, we think we need to leave our brokenness at the door when we come into time with God.
We might even feel this on Sunday morning when we go to church. How many times have you had a morning similar to the one I just described–full of fighting and short words on the way out the door–only to force a fake smile and act like everything’s okay as soon as you enter the walls of the church?
Then you head into worship and try to set all of it aside so you can focus on God.
But what if God wants to meet you right in the middle of the struggle?
In both your personal time with God and as you enter corporate worship, what if you honestly acknowledge before God how you’re really feeling?
It might change how we experience God’s presence. Maybe these broken places are where the true encounter with God really begins.
God wants to meet you right in the middle of your messy, ordinary, stressful, busy days. Our time with him is not this protected bubble that’s insulated from real life.
We do not ascend to the mountaintop and leave all our troubles behind when we go to be with God.
Because no matter where we go, our troubles are always along for the ride.
Time with God is not simply about reflecting on abstract, theological ideas about God. It’s noticing “God-with-us” in all of our life. Even–and especially–when we feel at our lowest.
The places of deepest wounding and pain are exactly where we most deeply encounter the grace and love of God.
It doesn’t feel very good, at least not at first. We don’t want to sit in our pain.
But we can’t really get to the “good stuff” if we ignore the hard parts. Because that is the part of us that most needs an experience of God’s love.
When we’re not in the best place, we might initially come to him feeling shame and guilt. But sit in that with God, and receive the grace you need for true healing to come.
So what do you need to bring into your time with God? What have you been avoiding?
Where do you notice shame or resistance?
What feels like the truest thing about you right now, even if it’s hard to admit?
Take the time today to acknowledge these hard and hurting parts with God. Be as raw and messy as you are able.
And then, as John Mark Comer writes in Practicing the Way: “Sit in your sin and let God love you…Let God love you as you are. And then let God love you into who you have the potential to become.”
Let us know in the comments: Do you have a hard time being messy and raw in God’s presence? What area of your life do you need to bring to your time with God today?